By November every year, my body hits the brakes and my brain files for temporary leave. Once November 1 rolls in, work becomes a four-letter word I only say when necessary. I want the holidays. I want the shows, the pop-up bars, the ridiculous themed cocktails, the Christmas lights, and all the touristy things I actually enjoy when I’m not shoulder-to-shoulder with ten thousand drunk visitors on the Strip. And yes, please keep inviting me to your parties. I will still show up, probably talk too much, and leave early to get back to my couch, my blanket, and whatever puzzle I have going. Balance.
Most years, I am crawling to the finish line. I’m counting down the minutes until I can take time off. I’m fantasizing about vacation like someone trapped indoors during a snowstorm. By mid-November, I’m usually one missed email away from setting my laptop on fire.
This year feels different. Very different.
I am tired, yes. That part is consistent. But I’m also wired. I have ideas popping up in my head at all hours. I have projects I want to kick off. I have things I want to build. I have energy for my work that I haven’t felt in years. I’m excited, which is a ridiculous problem to have at the tail end of a long year.
And here’s the plot twist. I am forcing myself into a sabbatical.
Not encouraged. Not gently nudged. Forced.
Because even though I’m excited, I am also self-aware enough to know that excitement is not the same thing as sustainability. You can be obsessed with your work and still need a break. You can love what you do and still have to shut the laptop, step away, and remember that your life is bigger than your business.
If nobody else is going to unplug me, I guess I have to do it myself.
Every December, I swear I won’t let the year get as chaotic as the last one. And every year, without fail, I look back in November and think, wow, I got away with juggling far more than anyone reasonably should. This year I graduated from juggling balls to juggling bowling balls. Big ones. Heavy ones. Multiple colors. The kind a normal person would give up on. But I stayed at it because that’s who I am. And because I had to.
I pushed harder this year than I have in a long time. And somehow, I made it.
I didn’t just make it through by the skin of my teeth. I actually did a pretty damn good job. I’m not usually the person who stops to be proud of myself, but I am this year. I earned that feeling.
But I didn’t do it alone.
I have a team that makes everything possible. I have a team that shows up with ownership and follow-through that most business owners only dream about. They don’t work for me to clock in and clock out. They work because they care about what we’re building.
I cannot quite express how honored I am that they choose to work with me. They choose to put their energy, their time, and their talent behind the things I am building. Let’s be very honest here. My team could absolutely be working for someone who is far more successful and polished. They could be making more money somewhere else. They could choose bosses who don’t text them random ideas at odd hours or add “one more thing” to the project list without blinking.
Yet here they are. Still here. Still showing up. Still going above and beyond.
And let me be clear. They don’t make me chase them down for updates. They don’t leave me guessing. They don’t leave me hoping that things are happening. They tell me before I even think to ask. That is leadership. That is trust. That is a team that understands how business should run.
Knowing that I get to take a break while everything continues to move without falling apart is the greatest gift of this year.
That’s why this sabbatical feels different. I’m not leaving the office on fumes. I’m leaving the office knowing that my team has it covered. They are supported. They have what they need. They are capable. They will very likely run everything better without me jumping in and bottlenecking their work. That might bruise my ego, but honestly, it’s true.
And I’m going to enjoy that. Proudly.
So for the first time in a long time, I get to step away without the fear that everything will implode. I get to be present. I get to focus on my husband, my friends, my family, and myself. I get to enjoy the holidays without the nagging thought that something will catch on fire the second I look away.
This year, I am ending with gratitude instead of exhaustion. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still exhausted. I’m just exhausted and grateful.
I’m grateful for what we’ve built. I’m grateful for how far we’ve come. I’m grateful for the ridiculous number of projects we pushed across the finish line. I’m grateful for my growth. I’m grateful for my team’s commitment. I’m grateful that I had the chance to prove to myself that I could do more than I thought and still keep a sense of humor through it all.
I’m grateful that this year brought me back to loving what I do.
And I’m grateful that I finally learned how to take a real break.
When January comes, I’ll be ready. I’ll be recharged. I’ll be excited. I’ll be overflowing with ideas and probably annoying my team with new things to build before they finish their morning coffee. But that’s the fun of it. That’s who I am. And that’s part of why I love what I do.
But right now, I get to take a breath. I get to rest. I get to give myself permission to shut down the work side of my brain and be a person again. I get to enjoy my couch, my puzzles, my lights, my movies, and the people I love without feeling guilty about it.
This year was big. Bigger than I expected. Harder than I expected. Better than I expected.
And next year will be even better because I’m taking this break.
So here’s to the end of the year. Here’s to my team. Here’s to the chaos we survived and the goals we hit. Here’s to the work we did and the growth we earned. And here’s to the holiday season that I plan to spend in my natural habitat: under a blanket with no laptop in sight.
I’ll see you in the new year. Ready for more. But for now, I’m out.
