Something about me; I go all in. There is no halving anything. When I commit, I commit. Because of this, I ALWAYS overcommit and run myself dry. Every year I take an unplugged vacation from Dec 10th to Jan 10th. I don’t go anywhere during this time; I usually stay home and do things I enjoy. I have not taken that vacation (or any for that matter) since December of 2019, so needless to say; I was at wit’s end this last year.
During my time off, I could reflect on myself, on situations that I could have handled better, on criticisms I received that I was unaware of, and just on my life in general. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to be when I grow up, what my long and short-term goals were, and how I would like others to perceive me.
This is what I came up with:
- I need to put my oxygen mask on first. I am a habitual problem solver, and I only see the positive and potential in everyone else. While this is a beautiful attribute I appreciate, it also gets me in trouble. I need to be sure I am taken care of first so I can continue to help others. Otherwise, I am useless.
- I am Passionate. Passion leads to emotions and strong opinions. Anyone that has had any conversation with me on any topic will know this to be true. While I am a very passionate person, I am also open to others’ views and open to changing my opinions due to new perspectives that I was not aware of prior.
- I am loyal. Extremely loyal to a fault. You can say whatever you want about me, and I can laugh that off, but if you say something about someone I love/care about, I will defend them with my life.
- I am soft. Because of my passion, my need to help everyone, and my extreme loyalty, I have a very hard shell, one that I don’t let others in. That is to protect my inner gushiness that is filled with extreme empathy and the need to please people.
- I am confident. My confidence level is typically a 10. I have always been this way throughout my entire life. I love who I am and who I have become. But I never want my confidence to hurt others. I want people to want to be around me, not avoid me due to me making them feel less than they are. My confidence should never come at the expense of someone else.
- I am smart. This one was a hard one to write. It makes me sound cocky, but it is true. I am very smart. No matter how smart I am, though, there is always someone smarter and more experienced, and I need to be open to finding those people and learning from them. As smart as I am, I never want to be the smartest person in the room.
- I am giving. Everything I am, anything I have, is always for someone else. I don’t need 4 businesses, but I have amazing teams and partners, and I want to help create something amazing for them to work and feel they have a secure future. I don’t need a large home, but I want my friends and family to have somewhere beautiful and comfortable where they are always welcome. Most of what I do is for others (which is why #1 is so important), but also because I want to.
- I am flawed. After all these things I listed, there are still things about me I need to work on. For every positive, there is likely something not as positive related, and that is ok.
I’m not perfect. But I love me. This past year, and the time I spent reflecting, have been eye-opening into my flaws. I know I’m not perfect, and I know not everyone is going to like me (even though I always want them to), and that’s okay. I want to be me, but I also don’t want to single out any one person, or group. Balance is a difficult thing to find but I intend to work toward being the best version of myself while giving to others.
As I embark on this next journey in life, I want to be open and available to help others. To teach what I have learned so someone else may be able to avoid enduring some of the hardships I faced. To continue to learn and develop in a new area that I am passionate about and want to become the go-to expert in. None of this is an ‘if’; it’s a ‘when,’ and as long as I put my oxygen mask on first, then I can continue on my path and try to advise and coach as many people as possible!
