Today, someone said something to me that stopped me in my tracks.
“I’ve come to realize that there are several ways to do things, and not one way is always right.”
At first, I brushed it off like a cute little nugget of wisdom. But the more I sat with it, the more it messed with me — in a good way. It hit me because if I’m being honest, I’ve never operated like that. Not even close.
I’ve always been the one who takes the lead. Whether it was class projects, group work, or collaborative anything — I step up. Not because I love being in charge, but because it’s easier for me if I can make sure everything is done exactly the way I need it to be. My brain, thanks to ADHD, doesn’t function well in disorganized environments. If the pieces aren’t perfectly lined up, I can’t even think straight, let alone get anything done. I actually have a sign on my desk that says, “I am a team player as long as we do it my way.” And I mean it. That’s been me for as long as I can remember.
Since I was a kid, I’ve been the overachiever who would just quietly (or not so quietly) take on the whole group project rather than sit through the chaos of groupthink. I wasn’t trying to be the hero; I was trying to survive. I needed control to stay calm. I needed to know the project would be done right, aka, my way. It wasn’t about being bossy (well, maybe a little), but more about keeping my brain from going into total mental gridlock.
People often assume ADHD means you’re all over the place, losing papers, forgetting deadlines, but for me, it did the exact opposite. I became obsessive about systems and structure because I had to. Color-coded folders, over-the-top planning, hyper-organization — that was how I kept my world from unraveling. And if I could just control everything, then I could stay on top of it all.
And you know what? For a while, it worked. In school, I crushed group projects. In work, I kept everything moving smoothly. People even started expecting me to be the one who took the lead. It became part of my identity — the one who gets it done.
But then real life happened. The more I grew (professionally and personally), the more I was put in situations where I couldn’t just take the reins and run. Teams got bigger. Projects got more complex. There were other people — people with their own ideas, their own processes, their own ways of doing things. And to be honest? At first, it felt like chaos. My instinct was to bulldoze, get it back under control, do it my way so I could breathe again.
But slowly — and I mean slowly — I realized something. When I took the time to actually listen to the people around me, their ways weren’t always wrong. In fact, sometimes they were… good. Like, really good. (And that’s saying a lot coming from me.) Even if their process looked messy to me, sometimes the end result was great. Sometimes it was even better. I hate admitting that, but it’s true.
And even when their way wasn’t “better,” it was still valuable. Seeing how other people approach problems, organize tasks, or even just think about the work has made me better at what I do. It stretched me to adapt. It showed me how to integrate other styles into my own without losing my need for order. I realized that you can still maintain structure without having to control every single detail.
Do I still prefer my way? Of course I do. Let’s not get carried away. Do I still twitch when someone suggests a process that doesn’t immediately make sense to me? Absolutely. But I’ve learned to sit with it. To stay open. To ask questions before I dismiss it. And surprisingly, it has made me a much better teammate and leader.
That comment today was just the reminder I didn’t know I needed: there really are several ways to do things, and not one way is always right. I’m still going to have my sticky notes, my systems, and my color-coded madness — but I’ll also make room for other people’s magic too.
And for those wondering… yes, the desk sign is still there. Progress, not perfection.
